I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
