Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
