Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We have started to decorate penises.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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