So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
