I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize