that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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