Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
