i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
