I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
