What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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