We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we're making bets on your personal life
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
