I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
