Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize