i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
FUCK WHALES
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
