You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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