She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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