i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
