I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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