I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
