Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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