you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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