i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
