Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
