well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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