Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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