I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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