Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Terrible idea I love it
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
