Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
