I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
