Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
