is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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