just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize