he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
