theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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