I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
where am i from again
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
