It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
this beer tastes like vomit already
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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