My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
