i permit you to call me
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
