We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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