And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
be right there i have to get my cape
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
