i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
