I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
