your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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