I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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