You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
