The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
