I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
