I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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