I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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