He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize