Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
