Jerry, you need to find god
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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