Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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