Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize