apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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