3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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