i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
