She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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