Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My apartment stinks of burning failure
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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