I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
