I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
