Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
