I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
