Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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