Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
