Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
