Whoa Z and x make the same sound
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize