one might say we're banned from that church
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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