She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
