Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
