how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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