So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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