I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
