DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You need Xanax blowdarts
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
