Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
