Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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