Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
