i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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