i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
