can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
