hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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